I MUST BE MURPHY!

Murphy's law is known by practically everyone, it seems. The likelihood that anything that can go wrong will go wrong seems sometimes to especially apply to me. It could be caused by my extreme "bumbling" instead of chance, do you think? Anyway, the chances of something going wrong are extremely ex "ass "erbated by getting in a hurry. Now, I am not a "hurry" type of person by nature, and as I age less than gracefully, seem to have slowed to a snail's pace. I have begun to dread any event for which I have a set time to arrive. This trait has become stronger since my retirement, since I no longer have to be at work on time, a fact that I am so enjoying thoroughly. That alarm clock has been thrown right out the window, something I've wanted to do for 20+ years. Oh, the joy of late morning sleep! I digress, back to timed events. That includes weddings, funerals, graduations, showers, and even church services. Since it is not "cool" to make a late entrance to any of these, I have now begun to question whether I even want to attend. Now I love going to church and I have years of non-attendance to make-up for so it is not an option to skip these services. The rest can be replaced with a card containing money in the preference of personal attendance, or so I rationalize when I am trying to talk myself out of going. It is not so much that I do not enjoy these outings once I get there (well, maybe not the funerals!) but the option of not going causes me not to be fully prepared for the occasion. I don't know why I do not purchase multiple items like pantyhose that I know I am going to need. It is inevitable to get a big "runner" at the last minute, causing the panic to well up in one's throat, knowing you have not allowed time for an emergency stop at the local Wal-mart. For instance, this weekend I attended a funeral that involved a four hour trip each way. Delay followed delay, almost as if a little demon planned the agenda to frustrate me. Some were insignificant things that could be shrugged off or changed. Others were major, like rain beginning while I was inside a rest stop bathroom. My hair does not react well to humidity, much less a downpour. (I could have taken an umbrella inside with me, but my not thinking ahead caused a frizzy do.) My appearance was nothing compared to major accident which occured a few cars ahead of us that blocked the highway with demolished vehicles, rescue squads, fire trucks, a wrecker, and an emergency heli- copter. The arrival of the chopper signaled us to turn around and retreat 30 minutes to another parkway exit which was an alternate route, but added another 30 minutes travel time. Now, things like accidents and rain storms are things that is beyond one's control, but it is small things that are more irritating. I am absent-minded at best. (Note the fact that I left my only curling iron in the hotel room when we left, causing an even worse hairdo the next day.) Knowing this weakness causes me to doubt my own self, generating paicked thoughts that spoil any event. For example, thinking "Did I or did I not leave the iron on?" or "Did I check the stove after I heated the soup?" or "Did I lock the front door after the unexjpected company arrived while I was getting dressed to leave?" A series of things like this is what causes my usually unruffled countenance to disintergrate. Since I abhor profanity, I have a few choice words , expletives , that explode unbidden at moments like these. I've noticed that it doesn't matter so much to me when others have to wait for me as the fact that I hate waiting for others. My friend has the need to be early for events, which I find is tiresome. He also wants to leave them early, while I, once I have got there, do not mind to linger and gab, knowing that he is fuming all the while. I like to be on time. If something starts at the stated time, I like to be there no more than three minutes prior. Needless to say, any small delay can cause one to enter sheepishly right behind the bridal party. Oh, well, I guess there is some- thing to be said for making a grand entrance. (and probably is said, in a mumbled undertone.) When will I learn? Probably never. I could apply several old adages that I have in my stock of philosophical references. Like "You can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear", and "You can't change a zebra's stripes". But also, "Better late than never!" and "You're never too old to learn". I have a tendency to pass the buck and blame some one or some thing for my failings, a common tendency, I've noted. I've recognized my weakness, now working on me, instead of blaming fate or even Murphy's Law will take some time and effort. I'll TRY!